So what if it’s only 800 words?

JK Rowling writes a snippet from the prequel she’s not working on.

Caught

S: Mommy, how do they make cranes? I mean, they’re so tall and skinny. There isn’t enough space for people to go up and make it.

M: Well, that’s a good question. I’d think they make cranes in parts and build the tall bits lying flat on the ground. Only when all the bits are finished, do they put them together upright.

S: But how?

M: …. I suppose with another crane. You’d need something tall enough.

S: But, Mommy, how about the FIRST crane? You know, before there were other cranes?

M: …. erh ….

Winging it obviously isn’t going to cut it anymore.

Note: I’ve since checked. They make those tall cranes used to construct buildings in parts. As the height of the building goes up, they use hydraulics to lift the top part of the crane, and then insert another piece beneath to raise the height of it. Apparently, another crane is needed to assemble the crane, but after it’s all assembled, it’s got the equipment within it to “raise itself”, so to speak. As for regular cranes, I still don’t really know how they’re made. Back to surfing the net for that answer.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Bad idea, no matter how you look at it. When the star of the movie looks like a has-been trying to recapture the old days, it’s never a good thing.

And if you’re staging a comeback, make sure it’s a good story. Lame plots not allowed.

Indy Jones should’ve quit while he was ahead.

Am I a good mother?

I may stay home with the children, but I don’t actually do very much with them. I take care of them, yes – make sure they’re bathed, fed and kept in good health. I make sure they stay safe and not stick fingers down electric sockets or tie plastic bags over their heads. But other than that, I don’t really think too hard about them.

Perhaps it’s because I got stuck in the “baby” stage of childcare, which really was about just making sure they were fed and kept clean. I can take care of children, but I don’t really know what to do with them beyond that. It appears rather late for me to be discovering this, or perhaps it’s because recently, I’ve had too many comments made around me that I’m not doing enough to nurture them. Stretch their brains. Teach them creativity. Inspire them. Teach them to love to learn. Teach them to love books.

Thus far, I’ve been doing the bare minimum. I pretty much copy what people around me are doing. It could be things were less competitive in Hong Kong, but the truth is that I now feel the need to do much more to give my children that “headstart in life”, if you could call it that. It’s not entirely true to say I feel pressured by those around me, but it is a starting point. Where S used to be easily ahead of her friends, I find she’s just somewhere in the middle now. But it’s not strictly academics that I’m worried about. That, I feel, I can always work on and in fact, I have already begun to do so. It’s the other aspects of childhood learning I’m worried about. Creativity. Love for books. Drawing. Art. Music. Love for sports. Independence. Judgement. Logic. I don’t feel that S is behind in any way, but I do feel I can’t leave it to schools to do it for me. And worse, I’m not sure how I go about nuturing these areas.

I think I’ve got the June holidays to thank for this epiphany. If it weren’t for the fact that I’m desparately trying to make the best of all this free time and ensure that the children aren’t “rotting away at home”, I probably wouldn’t be doing this much research on the internet. This week thus far hasn’t been a roaring success – in fact, it’s been rather haphazard. But at least I make it a point to plan a trip and a special activity or two the night before and do some minimal preparations. It has kept the kids fairly happy and it’s given me a sense of fulfillment watching them accomplish something with their simple crafts. At the moment, I’m working on motor skills with N and fine motor skills with S, but that’s largely because I haven’t really thought much about the plan for the week.

I do have to admit that spending this much time on the kids is very rare for me. In fact, I was complaining to D two nights ago how exhausted I was, and how little I had done other than keep the children occupied. He was encouraging, saying time spent with the children is not time wasted at all. But the fact remains that I have a job – my job at home taking care of all non-children-related business. Suffice it to say that there is a lot that needs doing and D agrees that sometimes I am as good as a working mother.

I’m not sure if I’m a good mother or not and I’m not really expecting an answer. I know people who do loads less. I also know people who do loads more. While I personally have no interest to homeschool, I am ever in awe of families who choose to do it. To make a firm and bold commitment to a child’s education is admirable and I do see aspects in the curriculums that teach children more than academics, more than our schools can provide. I believe we as parents have a firm hand in moulding our children. I don’t believe schools will do it for us. I do, however, believe in the benefit of going to school and while I have misgivings about our schooling system, I recognise that it is one of very high standards. Helping our children cope should be more than just doing more and more assessment books. Education, in short, should be more than just letters and numbers.

So how I go about achieving all these lofty goals is probably going to be nothing more than trial and error. But I suppose this is how we all do it. More internet surfing, more reading, more asking around. S and N may not get the perfect education at school and at home, but I won’t let it be said I didn’t try.

After D commented that it is good to be spending time with the children, I realize that this is perhaps what I’m meant to be doing now, at this time in their lives. I do miss doing my own thing, like writing – it feels like an entire lifetime ago – and yet, I do know that once I get the hang of all this, juggling the children, my ”job” as PA, accountant, administrator and whatever other crap I deal with, and let’s not forget the new baby, I’ll be able to find that 30 minutes a day again to dedicate to writing once more.

Parenting is such hard work.

JUNE

I have to say the school holidays have never terrified me as it is terrifying me right now. For starters, back in HK, summer usually meant summer school. S was never home for more than two weeks a stretch. There were usually people visiting and there were always loads of kids hanging around to play with.

But now. I’m confronted with the Big June Holidays. S doesn’t have playmates in the area. We do have some kids she could possibly play with, but it takes a lot more scheduling than I’m used to. And it takes driving half way across the island. Her cousins, her regular playmates, are gone for a big holiday with their parents. And my helper’s off for her home leave. What’s worse, N is now in “Entertain me, NOW!” mode too, so instead of one child, I’m dealing with entertaning two.

To make this four weeks work, I have decided that it’s time to quit being wishy washy. Nothing works better than having a schedule. An organized timetable for the day. That way, I can not only get our meals cooked and the house in some semblance of order, I can also make sure the kids are occupied meaningfully.

I’ve been setting out goals, things I want to achieve with S and simple activities we can do with N. Hopefully I can keep everyone involved, even with housework, and perhaps the four weeks won’t pass too slowly. I also plan to explore libraries, take the kids swimming more and check out more parks. It will be a good time to meet up with friends too since I no longer have to organize things around S’s schoolday routine.

So I am heartened. If I can make this month work, I can do anything.

Iron Man

I’m such a junkie for superhero movies.

We went out for a movie last week, our first since moving home and, in fact, the first in many many many months. I was feeling better, a little more energetic than usual and opted to go for a movie rather than a meal for our usual date night.

Iron Man is everything a superhero movie should be like. None of that Peter Parker angst, none of the self-important posturing of the X-Men. Mind you, I love those other superhero movies, but this one really doesn’t take itself all too seriously and Robert Downey Jr. is lovely. L-O-V-E-L-Y. He cracks me up. His attitude is a combination of over-the-top spoilt little rich bastard and wry genius at work. It’s so engaging that it holds this movie up, even if it is about superheroes and metal suits and flying and impossible engineering.

Gwyneth Paltrow is your token female lead. Not much character development, but who cares. She’s not over the top, has her moments of chemistry with Tony Stark and all in all, fairly likeable. I do like the way they don’t spend much time on this whole Pepper Potts-Tony Stark thing. It’s all understated, like an undercurrent running through the movie. No overindulgence in an unnecessary romance. And I have to give it to Gwyneth - she looks amazing throughout the movie.

Jeff Bridges did an excellent job too, but that’s largely because he reminded me a of large friendly bear through most of the movie. Must admit I almost missed it – didn’t realize it was him till D pointed it out.

Ah, going to the movies. It’s nice to have some normalcy return to our lives.

And again

Here I am again, wondering at the wisdom of it all. Yes, the real reason I’ve not been able to “get it together” these past weeks.

We’re going to have a baby. Yes, another one. To add to the ones we already have. 

This past many weeks has seen me suffering from morning sickness like never before. I can barely eat ANYTHING. Hunger makes me nauseous, eating makes me nauseous, a full stomach makes me nauseous, the smell of food in general makes me nauseous. I am so exhausted that I need to sleep. All the time. I can barely get thru the day doing what’s totally and utterly necessary, much less pack boxes, reorganize cupboards and re-order stuff. As it stands, I don’t even do much in the way of caring for the kids – my helper and my mother-in-law do a lot of it already. So honestly, I’m left with little to do, other than sleep, groan and be sick.

The next few weeks will hopefully bring the sweet relief I need from both the lack of energy and the lack of appetite. I can’t wait.

Struggling

I’ve been struggling some for a while now. Since about last Christmas, to be honest. And our move home has since caused me to nearly crash and burn. I am still trying to crawl out of the cinders, and not achieving much success.

I am, or used to be, a highly organized person, but since late last year, things have been unravelling. My ability to stay on top of all the things I have to stay on top of has been gradually slipping. The BIG MOVE pushed that downward slide down a steep incline and now I find I am lost in a sea of THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE NOW NOW NOW. Our room is still a mess of boxes, this many weeks after the move, my filing sits as a whole mess of papers littered all over the floor. I am behind bills and all manner of paperwork. I don’t reply emails and I just rather sleep than deal with anything.

I can identify what’s pushed me over the edge since moving home, but I realize the declining trend was already there in the run up to our move. Of late, I’ve come to learn that I’ve got a new medical condition to monitor. Nothing life threatening but oh, so annoying to have yet another thing to have to remember. I suppose it comes with growing older, but medical coverage has never become so important, especially with the number of specialists I’ve had to see recently.

And so I’m here, frustrated, exhausted and wanting to be left alone. But that’s not possible. There is simply too much to see to, children to look after. D has been a rock, taking up my slack, but the strain is showing. Normally I shoulder the responsibility of all non-work-related matters but since our move, he’s had to watch both fronts, work and home. Recently the kids fell incredibly sick and so did I, so now D’s taken to looking after the kids at night too. The good news is that we are all gradually recovering, but I’m still so out of it that I’m not sure I can pull myself out of this stupor.

But I have to. There isn’t a choice. Struggle or no struggle.